3 things I FELL IN LOVE WITH
1. SELF SUFFICIENCY
As we grow older, we take on more responsibilities. We expect more from our lives. We focus on the things we need to get done. The things we need to work towards. The life that lies aheads of us. The life we want to live. We take all this responsibility to satisfy our need for a successful future, but give little to none priority towards the responsibility we hold towards our own well-being and our own actions. One day, you will fall in love, you will land your dream job, you will make many meaningful friendships. But one day, if those were to fall apart, would you be responsible for loving YOU? We expect so many things from others without giving it to ourselves first. We expect to be loved, without loving ourselves first. We expect to be validated, without validating ourselves first. We expect others to see our worth, without valuing our own first. We expect to be a priority to others, without prioritizing ourselves first. Ultimately, it will never matter who loved, valued, or prioritized you. If you never gave those things to yourself, it won’t ever instill a feeling of self sufficiency within yourself. I believe there lies a fine line between self sufficiency and self sabotage. Self sufficiency encapsulates loving yourself for who you are. It is about enjoying your own company and being responsible for your happiness. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve or shouldn’t experience love from someone or through something. It just means that you should be strong within yourself and honest with your emotions before inviting that someone or that something that could contribute towards that happiness. Because the minute you entrust your purpose to someone else or something, you fall prey to sabotaging your own worth and own happiness. It is no one else’s responsibility to love you, it is no one else’s responsibility to fill that void. It is no one else’s responsibility to make you happy. It is no one else’s responsibility to give you purpose. The only person responsible for your happiness is YOU.
2. Growth mindseT
I once heard this analogy, If the flower doesn’t bloom. Do you blame the flower or the environment ?
Using that analogy, if you were in an environment that doesn’t serve you a purpose, that doesn’t allow you to grow, that doesn’t allow you to challenge your insecurities, that doesn’t push you to go above and beyond, how are you going to adopt a growth mindset when the environment itself deprives you of it. If growth has been painful, you are doing something right. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, you are doing something right. Growth by no means is measured in volumes. Any amount of growth is growth. It could have been a year since you last worked out, but let’s say that one day you got yourself up and took yourself to the gym. You put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. You pushed yourself to get through that second set. You may not have been able to get to your third like you may be used to. At this point, you may feel disappointed. Disappointed at the fact that you could not match up to where you may have been a year ago. Do you consider this to be a limitation to your ability or an opportunity to push past that third set and onto the fourth? I, myself have often struggled to adopt a growth mindset when it came to my academics. I would study hours for my exams. Whether it was taking notes, revisiting lectures, making a study guide, I never got the results I had hoped for. For most of my life I set my failures as a limitation as to what I was capable off. I told myself that those were the best my grades would get. That those grades were not good enough to get me into medical school. That it was so unrealistic of me to dream big. It scared me. But the truth is, if your dreams never scared you, they were too small to begin with. If your dreams never challenged you, they held you back from your capabilities. We spend so much time asking ourselves, “Why is nothing working out for me ?” but not enough time focusing on “What has been working for me” and “How I make it work for me.” That’s growth. You failed a test? Okay. A grade doesn’t define your capability. You work on those weaknesses. You did not get into your college of choice? Okay. Rejection is redirection. You did not get that job interview? Okay. You got a ton more coming your way. It’s not about rationalizing your failures. It’s about taking the initiative to turn those setbacks into success. So the next time you question yourself “Why me?” You say “try me” It makes all the difference.
3. ACCEPTANCE
If we were to drop a valuable belonging into a muddy puddle, Our first instinct would be to dive our hand straight into the puddle to find it. We spend minutes rummaging through the waters, all the while knowing we are unable to see the water clearly.
But for a moment…
If we took a step back and let the mud settle, we’ll see that it makes all the difference. Acceptance works in the same manner. When we get hurt, when we fight our internal struggles, when we feel like we fall short somewhere, we find ourselves wading through the waters for an immediate answer. An immediate recovery. But the moment we take a step back and process the pain, the memories, the shortcomings, you start to see clarity within yourself.
Acceptance never came easy to me. I don’t believe it came easy for anyone. But it forced me to do something pretty remarkable. It altered my mindset. It allowed me to put myself first. It taught me growth. It taught me to take the good with the bad. It let me glue myself together again. So well that I’ve never let myself invite that kind of hurt again. I won’t tell you that the past is in the past. To let it go. That whatever happened, happened. Because those are things we already know. But I will encourage you to transform your hurt, grief or shortcomings into motivation. Give yourself a purpose. Take the initiative to accept the lesson. You owe yourself greatness. You owe yourself a journey that brings you so much light that it fulfills you.
They say the last stage of grief is acceptance. Yet, it’s the start of a whole new journey. A new chapter in your life. A story you have yet to narrate. It’s when you accept the lesson, you prioritize what serves you purpose in life. You prioritize your growth. You prioritize your peace.
I struggle to write this because I don’t have an answer for myself. I choose to live by the phrase, “It is What it is.” Saying that phrase often left a numbness within me, but it was the only way I saw light amidst an ongoing storm. Acceptance hurts. But choosing to deny the reality hurts even more. Not every day will be a day that you are able to accept reality. Some days will hurt more than usual. On days like those, I give myself 15 minutes to let myself feel all the emotions that I wish to. Because I know that at this point my mindset is blurred. I wait till the mud settles and the water is clear to find my purpose yet again.
